9 Steps to Build Your Self-Love Practice

Hands up if you have nailed self-love and practice it regularly? Hmmm, I suspect the hands in the air are few and far between, but if you’re one of them then well done! This is one of the keys to a happier, healthy, balanced life.   Sadly few of us are great at practicing self-love in a consistent, meaningful way.  As women in particular, we are accustomed to putting others first. It’s almost in our dna, we are almost programmed – whether from culture, society or by our families to go through life fulfilling the role of nurturers, care-givers, self-sacrificers. 

Although there’s a time and a place for all of these wonderful acts, it shouldn’t’ come at the expense of our own health and well-being.

Despite beginning my journey to self-discovery over 30 years ago, self love is not something I really only fully embraced in my 40’s!  I was late to the party so to speak, but I know that I’m certainly not alone.  Loving ourselves is not something that we learn at schoool, or were encouraged to do growing up in the 80’s and 90’s.   I’m Irish and went to a lovely Catholic school, where self-sacrifice and unlimited giving were encouraged … and reinforced by society and culture so I became pretty good at that! In fact, if it were an olympic sport, I may even have gotten a medal! Self-love … not so much!

Thankfully, these days I have a much greater respect and appreciation for the importance of placing my own needs on the table and .. if and when needed … meeting these first.  After all, it\\s impossible to pour from an empty cup, an analogy that is incredibly true it turns out! 

Here are 7 simple tips to starting your own self-Love practice

1. Begin to put yourself first

Begin to create space in your diary for you! Take time to decompress and recharge and add in some activities that will help you do this! Whether time alone or with friends, a cup of coffee and magazine (my person favourite) or a run or exercise class. Without allowing time daily to recharge, you can put serious strain on yourself that will inevitably lead to burnout.  Pause and think about what helps you relax and recharge and dedicate time including these activities in your life regularly!

2. Trust yourself

Remember that you are a wise soul and can make good decisions! We so often doubt ourselves and our ability to do what’s right and this can be exhausting.  Our heart and gut is always guiding us in the right direction. Even if we are upset or feel wronged, it’s important to remember that your feelings are valid. You’re not going crazy if something has triggered you.  You know yourself better than anyone else, so be your best advocate.

3. Stop comparing yourself to others

Comparison is the thief of joy!  While comparing ourselves to others is natural as we are designed to be competitive, it can also be dangerous.  In particular in these times of social media where everyone posts their highlights!  It’s easy to feel ‘less than’ or that everyone else is living a better life/ better home/ better x,y,z.  Even when we know that this is rarely true. 

Remind yourself that there’s just no point in comparing yourself to anyone else because there’s only one you. You are a unique, amazing, talented, inspiring individual.  Rather than waste time doubting this or comparing yourself, focus instead on your own life and your own journey. Look at all the blessings you do have! The energy shift and happier, brighter feelings it will bring you will reap even more benefits in your life.

4. Don’t seek about others’ opinions

It’s absolutely impossible to please everyone and even trying to make other people happy tends to last a short period of time.  More importantly, it’s not your job to! 

One of my favourite quotes is ‘What anyone else thinks of you is not your business.’ it reminds me not to waste my time, energy or mental head space on worrying about what others think.  It’s a waste of time and will only slow you down on your journey to being the best you.  Where your thoughts go, your energy flows.

5. Be kind to yourself

Our inner voice can be our harshest critic and often we would never say to others, what we freely think in our own minds and say to ourselves! 

The world is already a harsh place filled with critique and judgement — don’t add yours to the mix. Speak to yourself as you would to someone you love dearly!  Encourage, nurture, love and celebrate the amazing person that you are!

6. Know Your Voice is Valid of Being Heard

It’s easy to shy away from adding your opinion to conversations, but boldness is like a muscle  and it grows the more you exercise it. Join the conversation. Contribute your thoughts.  You don’t need to wait for permission to take a seat at the table. Remember that your voice is just as important as anyone else’s. Get into the habit of speaking your mind, being honest and most importantly do so without the need for agreement! We are all different and different views are perfectly ok!

7. Love Your Body

Finally, we are now living in a time of greater diversity and inclusion but it is still a relatively slow process! We know that the images promoted to us by the media are most often  photoshopped into completely unachievable proportions and the greatest thing we can ever wear is confidence! 

So many things in the world want to distract you from this powerful truth. Embrace your unique beauty and remember all that your body has done for you, for your family, your friends.  Appreciate, love and be grateful for every single part. 

8. Become aware of toxic people

We are all responsible for the energy we bring into the world but sadly not everybody takes responsibility for their energy.  If there’s someone who is bringing toxicity into your life and they won’t take responsibility for it, that might mean you need to step away from them. Don’t be afraid to do this. It’s liberating and important, even though it may be painful.

Protecting your energy is not mean or rude and you can remove yourself from situations or people who are draining you.  This is a wonderful way to show love to yourself.

9. Allow yourself to make mistakes

Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I’ll show you someone who has never lived.  I’ve no idea where I heard this quote, but it’s another one that I love and remind myself of often!

None of us are perfect and we are all learning through our mistakes. Remind yourself that nobody is perfect and cut yourself some slack when it comes to trying to be yourself! 

Notice that voice in your head that says you need to be perfect and remind it that there is no such thing! Make mistakes — lots of them and remember you are not alone.  The lessons you’ll gain are priceless.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this article and that you being can remember some of these simple tips and tools. Feel free to take a screenshot so that you can save them on your phone and come back to them when you need to.

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