The Importance of Self-Love

Before we can begin to love someone else, it makes perfect sense that we first need to love ourselves.  Sadly, this is not something we learn much about at school or even growing up at home, when the focus is on loving and doing for others. 

Self-love shows up in many ways. From healthier boundaries and saying ‘no’ to managing your time in the way that serves you and your needs and doing things that lifts your soul and brings you joy..  So many of us have been brought up to believe that we need to take care of everyone else first and foremost.  This, we are told,  is the right thing to do and our own needs can come once everything (and everyone) else is sorted.  In fact, this has often been seen as a virtue and admired as being the ”kind’, ‘right’ and ‘self-less’ thing to do.

However, the issue is that there is always so much to do that more often than not there is rarely much  time or energy left over … to tune into let alone actually meet,  our own needs.   Running on empty,  ignoring our needs and putting ourselves last on our list inevitably leads to burnout, ill health and often a lot of resentment.

What Is Self-Love?

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.

Self-love is a journey we take to honour ourselves by becoming aware of our needs and then prioritising them so that we are nurtured and feel loved and valued.

From our body, our mind, our spirit, and our emotions, we become aware of the different needs we have in each area to live a happy, balanced and joyful, healthy life.  

Make no mistake – it’s  not always easy, in fact, it can be bloody hard to practice when you first start out.  It involves not only doing things we enjoy but also quite often releasing habits that we may find difficult (excessive netflix, alcohol, toxic friendships)  as well as adding in things that are good for us .. exercise and healthy food options.  However, when you realise why you are practising self-love and focusing on all the benefits these changes and practices will bring, you will understand why is it one of the most important things you can do.

SELF-LOVE IS NOT:

Sadly, many of our daily habits such as saying ‘yes’, people-pleasing, binge-watching Netflix until the late hours, and ignoring when our boundaries have been crossed …  often take us in the opposite direction of self-love.  They can lead us to being over-stretched, exhausted, resentful, stressed and certainly not treating ourselves in a loving way. 

There are many harmful beliefs around self-love and so I’d like to clarify what it is not!

Self Love is not selfish or narcissistic

This is such a harmful message and one that many of us grew up with.  After all, how you expect to love anyone else, or ask anyone else to love you … if you don’t first of all love yourself?

Self Love is not another task on your ‘to do’ list. 

Rather than being ‘something else you need to do’, it is really something that you realise will benefit you.  It doesn’t happen over night, but is a process of gradual changes and awareness of  new ways of being, that benefit your overall wellbeing and lead to a happier way of living.

Self Love can include

• Setting firmer boundaries,
• Saying ‘no’ when needed
• Reducing alchohol/caffeine/ tv binges
• Releasing toxic relationships,
• Coming off social media
• Reconnecting with loved ones
• Releasing relationships you have outgrown
• Reducing time with toxic people
• Tuning in to your energy
• Listening to your body
• Ending the ‘people-pleasing’ habit 
• Taking up a hobby you’ve wanted to do
• Enjoying more creativity
• Enjoying more time with friends
• Exercising your body
• Exercising your mind
• Canceling plans when you need to
• Being kind in your thoughts
• Challenging your inner critic voice
• Saying ‘yes’ to healthier  choices
• Practicing mindfulness, meditation or another form of slowing down to tune in and connect with yourself.

I hope you enjoyed this article.  If you would like to find out more about how to practice Self Love, why not read our other articles here.

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